A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

I’ve copied the entire contents of https://www.bar.com/bar-jokes/grammar-walks-into-a-bar here just in case that site ever disappears:

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Choosing the right people in your life

If someone offered a chance for you and a team of your choosing to go on a quest that had a prize of $10 million at the end, how carefully would you choose that team? You’d likely sit down and carefully analyze the most critical characteristics for your team to win the quest.
Well, the quest is called life, and the prize at the end is worth more than $10 million.

————————————————————————–

Choose people who choose you back
Choose authenticity
Choose people that help you grow
Choose people who are different than you
Choose character over charisma
Choose often

Details at https://medium.com/better-humans/how-to-choose-the-right-people-to-be-in-your-life-997737ca4288.

Procrastination (part 2 of 2)

Another frequently-useful technique for dealing with procrastination is the “How do you eat an elephant?” method. The answer is simple: One bite at a time.

It’s pretty straightforward. If the reason you’re procrastinating is that the problem seems overwhelmingly large or complicated, cut the problem into smaller pieces. If those are still too big, no problem — slice each piece into smaller pieces. Keep doing that until it’s easier to do the pieces than to keep cutting them. (This is also known as the “salami technique.”)

I have twice had friends who needed to clear out or reorganize a room that was overstuffed with things, but the task seemed overwhelming.

“Can you work on it for 30 minutes?”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Okay, ten minutes? Just one box, or just five pieces of paper?”

“Maybe.”

“One minute?”

“Well, yes, of course.”

Okay. Do that. At the end of the minute, you can do one more minute, or you can declare victory for today and save the next minute of cleanup for tomorrow. Make sure you stop before it gets to be a chore. And every minute that you make any progress is one bite of the elephant. Some links about procrastination:

https://www.deprocrastination.co/blog/3-tricks-to-start-working-despite-not-feeling-like-it

https://time.com/3663897/4-steps-stop-procrastination/

https://time.com/4232649/awesome-life/

https://www.martynemko.com/articles/light-your-fire-matchbox-ways-get-motivated_id1596 (and several other articles at martynemko.com)

Procrastination (part 1 of 2)

As a practically professional procrastinator, I’ve learned some techniques for dealing with this.

One of the main reasons I procrastinate some things is because I’m not sure how to deal with them. For example, filling out an insurance form where I had a special case that wasn’t covered by the usual paperwork.

I finally decided that whoever gets the paperwork would be an expert and would know better than I did how to handle the situation. So I filled out the parts I could, included a note about my special situation, and sent it off. A few days later they called me, we discussed it, and I only needed to fax over a page of other documentation. Problem solved! (Except for finding a way to fax it… apparently faxes would be handled immediately but an emailed scan of the document would take at least a week. Didn’t make sense but whatever.)

I call this the “Other Person’s Problem” procrastination technique.The internet has a ton of stuff on procrastination; apparently it’s a common problem. Here’s one link to analysing and dealing with it: https://www.deprocrastination.co/blog/how-to-stop-procrastinating-by-using-the-fogg-behavior-model. I also used this as my 2020 New Years resolution: “Procrastinate later! What’s the rush?”